It is. FUCKING FREEZING. In here. The environment and I are having a lovers’ spat. I hate freezing my ass off, but using heat kills mountains. Paper towels kill trees, but I hate drying my dishes on dirty smelly dishrags. What to do, oh God of JVC? Continue to freeze and bitch about it, that’s what.
[Insert clever transition here.]
For the record, I am glad that I decided to do JVC. I remember at the time I was hedging over whether I really wanted to leave all my friends and gad off to the other side of the country, and although it’s not fabulous here all the time, it was definitely the better option. I’d have been wasting away back in Buffalo. I’m reminded, however, that moving to random places is not in itself a way to change my life. I’m still me, with the same strengths and the same hang-ups as always. Moving has been very much worthwhile, but it doesn’t fix everything instantly. There’s still a lot of struggle involved.
So, it’s December, which means that I really need to start thinking about what I want to do next year. The most sensible option so far is applying to UB for their teaching certification program for adolescent ed. Trouble is that although I like the idea of teaching, I still kind of want to amass more life experience first—and it still feels too soon to go back to school. I’ve totally had it with writing papers. I kind of want to move somewhere random (but not completely random—somewhere where I know at least one person already), and just get a job and live and figure things out. I mean, I’m sort of doing that now, but it’s very structured. I have this whole “thirst for adventure” thing coupled with this whole “self-doubt and fear of the unknown” thing, and I need to work something out between the two of them. But I can’t imagine much that’s more fulfilling than facing one’s fears and kicking their collective ass. The self-doubt part is what makes that difficult.