(Selections from my journal, because I’m feeling uninspired.)
September 11, 2012, Delaware Park—
The Subtle Scent of Cinnamon on the reddening leaves,
EPT like aPPles hEAP’T on a Pie, tea being steEP’T, and memories kEPT—
and EMmmm savoring everything delicious and beautiful,
BERrrr of the chill in the air and on your toes in the grass,
EMBERs of bonfires leaping dizzily upward like drunken stars,
and the EMBER, of course, of REMEMBER.
(all Septembers past, the start of every school year
and so may new beginnings. Composition books blank
and full of possibilities. Lying beneath apple trees,
catching glimpses of the clear blue sky. Saying
reluctant farewells to summer.)
September 24, 2012, Lake Effect Laundromat—
I’ve been thinking about the premise of the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and though I would never want any of my memories permanently erased because I can manage to find some value in all of them, it would be nice if there were a way to quarantine certain thoughts and set a specific frequency for them to recur. For example, I’d probably set “I miss X friend who doesn’t talk to me anymore” at once every four to six months. “WHAT IS THE POINT OF BEING ALIVE?!!?!” would be more like once a year. Essentially, I can’t figure out how to force myself not to think about these things. I read a book as a kid called A Taste of Smoke. The main character is a girl who goes camping and meets a boy who is a ghost because he died in a fire, and he appears to her burning alive. The more she thinks about him, the more he appears, so she tries not to think about him, but how can you not think about a ghost that’s haunting you? I have this problem too, more or less. Actively trying not to think about it clearly doesn’t work, because then you’re thinking about thinking about it, which is as good as thinking about it. Maybe the key is to be sufficiently distracted.
September 26, 2012, J’s House—
When I was in middle school and high school, I used to tell people that when I had my own place, there were two things I was going to do:
1) Have no electric lighting and light my house only with candles.
2) Buy all of the lobsters from the tank at the grocery store and keep them as pets.
WHEN DID I ABANDON MY DREAMS?!??!!!
Just kidding. I also once claimed that I would never trim any of the trees in my yard, touch a drop of alcohol, or wash out and reuse Ziploc bags. I’ve gone back on all of those. Nowadays I just claim that I will never own a “smart phone” (gag me) or a TV. I hope I stick to my guns on those at least… I think I have a better chance of it now that I’m already an adult and I don’t have any major life shifts on the horizon that would necessitate more technology.